


Day Jobs and Office Romance

by alphasaceraptor



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Bisexual Peter Parker, Daily Bugle, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pansexual Wade Wilson, Peter and Wade work together, Rating will go up, Slow Build, Texting, Writer!Wade
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-20
Updated: 2016-06-23
Packaged: 2018-06-03 09:38:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6605824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alphasaceraptor/pseuds/alphasaceraptor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Peter takes on a temporary role at the Daily Bugle and it's a lot more complicated than bringing Jameson his coffee. Is Peter going to be able to avoid office gossip and drama? Is he going to get paid more? Will Jameson ever respect him? Nope. But he will get to meet the man behind all the Daily Bugle's anti-Spidey articles. </p><p>That guy is a weirdo.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First Impressions

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Orcusnox (Cat9894)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cat9894/gifts).



> I'm back and at it again with more Spideypool.

As Spider-man, Peter gets asked a lot of questions about his suit. The more common questions are usually about how cold he gets in winter, which is really, _really_ cold. He has come close to being a Spider-man shaped gargoyle, complete with roosting pigeons, one too many times. But really, winter in NYC isn't that bad.

It's the summer months that are a literal Hell.

Peter's suit was soaked with sweat as he swung through the city, making a rare daytime appearance. He seriously regretted coming out now as the sun beat down on his back and shoulders while his front was chilled by the wind rushing through the wet spandex. Unfortunately, it was a necessary evil. His rent was overdue and he was out making money the easiest way he knew how.

By taking selfies for the Daily Bugle. 

Peter sailed through the air in an intricate flip just in time to catch the flash of his camera that was webbed to the side of a building. He's pretty sure that he mostly caught his back but he's too hot to care.

 _It's not like my pictures are ever good enough for Jameson anyway,_ Peter thought bitterly as he turned midair to make his way back to the side of the building. He stuck himself to the hot bricks and quickly removed the camera from his webs, cursing under his breath. He scurried up the building and pulled himself up to the roof that was blistering hot under his feet.

He clutched his camera to his chest and dashed to the safety of the roof's small overhang that offered just enough shade for him to squeeze under next to his backpack of civvies. Peter pulled his mask off and gasped in the humid air. He collapsed in a sweaty puddle with his knees pulled to his chest, slung his arm around his pack, and rested his his head on it only to jerk away a second later when his phone went off.

Peter pulled the shrilling cell out and glared at it when he read who was calling. He mentally and physically braced himself before answering with a huffed, "Hello?"

"Parker!" J. Jonah Jameson barked into his ear, unnecessarily loud, causing Peter to flinch anyway. "Get your ass to my office. Right now."

Jameson hung up before Peter could respond. He pressed his face into his knees and groaned.

"And here I was thinking I was already melting in Hell."

 

———



Peter rolled to a stop at the entrance and kicked his board into his hand. He _really_ hoped he didn't look as bad as he thought he did, but he was sure that the people inside were going to be almost as miserable as he was. He knew from experience just how stingy with the air-conditioning Jameson was. He just needed to get this over with and he'd be able to escape to his cool apartment. He consoled himself with thoughts of ice cream as he rode the elevator by himself up to the top floor.

The doors slid open and Peter wasn't surprised to find that he was right. It was only a few degrees cooler in the crowded office space and he took a couple of seconds to adjust to the sounds of keyboards, chattering, and desk fans. There was no adjusting to the smell of many sweaty bodies, though, and Peter cursed his enhanced senses.

He pushed his glasses up his nose, squared his shoulders, and marched down the center aisle that separated the cubicles, making his way to Jameson's office. He waved at the few people who waved at him but he didn't verbally greet anyone. He was hoping he could sneak past Bett-

"Hey there, cutey!" Betty Brant called out, her pretty face peeking over the edge of her cubicle. She was grinning brightly and Peter felt a blush spread across his cheeks. Betty was _really_ nice and _really_ cute and Peter had absolutely _no idea_ why she always flirted with him. He should be use to it by now after working here for almost three years but he wasn't.

"Hey, Betty. How are you?" He walked the last few steps to her cubicle so he could lean against the opening. Her desk fan was the only one spinning on low, but she was wearing a short skirt and a sleeveless blouse that showed off tanned and toned limbs. She probably wasn't as desperate for cool air as everyone else.

"I'm bored, Peter." Betty pouted. She sunk back into her desk chair and crossed her long legs. "Ned's away on assignment in Paris. Paris! And I'm stuck here all by my lonesome."

"That sucks, but at least you know he'll bring you back some awesome souvenirs." Peter replied with instead of what he wanted to say. He had barely managed to swallow back a flirty 'I'll keep you company.'

He actually had gone to school with Betty but she had been a grade above him. She had been Peter's first big crush before Gwen, but Betty had been oblivious to 'Puny Parker.' Now life reminded him how unfair it was by having him work with her and endure her flirty remarks while she was in a relationship.

"Maybe he'll bring something sweet we can share. Like cute little French candies." Betty smirked, her eyes shinning with mischief.

"Hey Petey, do this." Betty mimed combing her glossy black curls back with her hand. Peter copied her and gagged.

"Ugh! I thought it would have dried by now." Peter whined, rubbing his damp hand into his jeans. Betty started giggling hysterically.

"Oh, your hair is just too adorable! You have got to let me play with it one day. Preferably when it doesn't look like you just got it on with The Human Torch." She winked and Peter's blush spread. He didn't have time to think of a witty comeback to that before Jameson's office door burst open.

"Parker! Get in here." Jameson ordered and then slammed the door shut again. Peter looked down at Betty and rolled his eyes.

"Wish me luck, Bets." Peter sighed. Betty stood up and clamped a hand on his shoulder.

"You got this, Peter. You're one of the few of us that can handle his bullshit without crying." She used the hand on his shoulder to shove him out of her cubicle. "Come back and entertain me for a little while before you leave, 'kay?"

"Alright. I will." Peter tossed a wave over his shoulder and strode to Jameson's door. He once again attempted to prepare himself before he entered but knew it was futile. Jameson never failed to rattle him in some way. He pushed the door opened and was blasted by blessedly cold air. At least he would finally be cool while he endured whatever Jameson had in store for him.

"Shut the door. You're letting the heat in." Jameson growled around a cigar dangling from his mouth. The man was sitting at his desk and already had a hand out expectantly. Peter quickly complied and slid his backpack of his shoulders. He pulled out his binder full of his pictures and took out the most recent ones. He offered them and Jameson snatched the photos out of his hand.

"This all you got?" Jameson snorted as he flipped through them. Peter felt himself bristle at the tone but he managed to relax. This was just one more thing he should be use to by now.

"Yes. But I have more I haven't developed yet." Peter prayed that Jameson would be impatient enough to not want to wait for those.

"These will have to do." Jameson grunted. He tossed the pictures carelessly onto his desk. "But I have another job for you, Parker."

Peter perked up at that. Jameson rarely wanted him to photograph anything else besides his alter ego. Plus, another job meant more money.

"Where do you need me to aim my camera, sir?" Peter questioned eagerly. He would love to change his routine up.

But Jameson shook his head, crushing Peter's hope. "No pictures. You're going to be my temporary assistant."

 _What!?_ Peter felt his stomach bottom out at that. "Assistant? Bu-but what happened to Dan?"

Jameson waved a hand dismissively through the air. "He's going to be gone for a few weeks. Something about a funeral out of state? Don't know, it doesn't matter. I know you don't have anything else to do."

Peter opened his mouth to object but Jameson was right. Classes were over and he preferred patrolling at night. The only thing he did during the day when he wasn't taking Spider-man selfies was spend time with Aunt May and Mary Jane. 

"Um. I'm going to get paid what Dan gets paid, right?"

Jameson narrowed his eyes at Peter. "Dan gets paid minimum wage and that's what you'll get."

 _That poor bastard only gets paid minimum?!_ Peter was wrong when he had previously thought that he couldn't feel any more pity for Jameson's assistant. When Dan got back, Peter was going to have to do something extra nice for him. 

"Here." Jameson pulled out a paper from his desk and put it on top of Peter's photos. "That's your schedule, my coffee order, and whatever else you'll need to know. Now the first thing I want you to do is take those pictures to my headliner."

"Yes, sir. I got it." Peter scooped up the paper and his pictures, and gently slid them back into his binder. He spun on his heel and quickly made for the door, but was stopped by another growled order.

"You better not dress like a slob tomorrow, Parker."

Peter rolled his eyes while his back was to Jameson.

"You got it, boss." He replied before finally making his escape. He glanced around the cubicles after he clicked the door shut and caught many people peeking at him, but they all quickly ducked back down. Except Betty, who was staring at him with wide brown eyes.

"Come here, Petey." She waved him over and Peter obeyed. She pulled him into her tiny workplace and pushed him onto her desk chair. Peter flung his backpack under her desk, slumped in the seat, and stared up at Betty, who had her arms crossed with an eyebrow raised expectantly. "There was no yelling. Why was there no yelling? Why do you look like you're dead inside?"

Peter laughed at that and grinned without any actual humor in his expression. He spread his arms out and then pointed back at himself. "Well, young lady, you are looking at Jameson's newest assistant."

"What?!" Betty gasped, her hands fluttering in front of her chest. "Really?!"

"Yep." Peter chirped. "Dan's gone for a few weeks."

"I was wondering where he was. Jameson usually has him spying on us around this time." Betty's eyes turned sympathetic as she looked down on him. "Poor Petey. I'll help keep you sane during this trying time."

"Thanks, Bets." Peter grinned at her, grateful that he had a friend here. Betty clapped suddenly and gave a little cheer.

"This means you can keep me company while Ned is away _and_ you can hang out with Abe and Izzy some more. They're always saying you aren't around here enough. They like talking nerdy to you."

"You're right." Peter made a mental note to stop by and see the film critic and science reporter before he left for the day. "I'll go say hi later but first I got some photos that need to be delivered."

Peter grabbed his pack and stood up but was stopped by Betty's hand on his arm before he could make a move to leave. Betty tightened a hand on his bicep and Peter looked at her, confused. She was wide eyed again and her dark skin had paled slightly.

"Do you have to take them to _him_?" Betty whispered fearfully.

"If by 'him' you mean the headliner, then yeah." Peter gently extracted his arm from her grasp and smiled reassuringly. "Come on, Bets. He can't be as bad as everyone makes him out to be. Don't tell me you believe all the office gossip."

"But Peter." Betty whined. "He's _creepy_."

"Have you ever talked to him or even seen him?" Peter asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Well, _no_. But that's kinda the point. He's been working here longer than most of us but the only ones who have seen him are Jameson, Robbie, and Dan." Betty flung her hands in the air in exasperation. "Hell, Ned's office is _right next door_ and he's only seen glimpses."

Peter reached out, put both hands on Betty's shoulders, and locked eyes with her. "Betty. Chill. You're taking your job as a gossip columnist _way_ too seriously. The guy is just a recluse. If I could get away with it, I would be one too." He gave her shoulders a pat before releasing her. "It'll be fine. I'll just hand them over and be right back, okay?"

"'Kay." She only looked slightly mollified but she waved him out. "I want to know _all_ the details. Especially on whether he's hot or not."

Peter chuckled and hoisted his backpack onto his shoulders. "Yes, ma'am. I'll be right back with a full report." He gave her a salute before exiting the cubicle.

He headed back to the elevators and thought about the mysterious writer. Peter didn't believe all the rumors about the man but he was still very interesting. Everyone just called him "The Headliner" like speaking his actual name would summon him. He was the one who wrote every scathing article on Spider-man but Peter couldn't really fault him for it. The reports were always well written and the facts were almost always right.

 _But that doesn't mean I'm actually eager to meet the guy who loves calling me menace almost as much as Jameson does,_ Peter thought as the elevator dropped him off one floor below. He had only been down here a few times to see Izzy or Ned but he knew the headliner's office was right by the elevator. It was probably how he managed to sneak in and out without being seen.

Peter stood outside the door and listened. Every time he had passed the door before he could hear music and sometimes the man was talking on the phone. He could hear music this time but other than that it was quiet. Peter didn't want his first impression to be him interrupting the man's phone calls.

Peter reached out and knocked.

Instantly, there was a crash behind the door and Peter jerked back. His spidey-sense didn't tingle, though, so he figured the man was fine. He probably just startled the guy and hoped he wouldn't be pissed at him for it. The music was turned down and Peter could now hear the AC blasting and the man moving around inside. He started to make out a voice as the movement got closer.

"Shit, Danny boy!" The headliner cursed in a pitchy but deep voice as he cracked the door open. Chilled air swirled into the hallway. "You're late! I had already given up hope and decided to take a _siesta_ , but you're not Danny. Who the hell are you?"

Peter blinked a few times as he processed what he was seeing. The first thing he noticed was the man's size. He was almost half a foot taller that Peter and his shoulders blocked him from getting a peek into his office. The next thing he noticed was what the guy was wearing. He was completely covered, head to toe. He had on dark jeans, a red hoodie, and black gloves and his face was hidden by a hat with the hood pulled over it, sunglasses, and a surgical mask. Peter could just barely tell the guy was white by a tiny sliver of skin that was in between the mask and sunglasses.

"Didn't your mama ever teach you that it's rude to stare." The guy huffed in annoyance. Peter mentally patted himself on the back because _wow_. He was really making a _great_ first impression.

"You're Wade Wilson, right?" Peter managed to get out. The man tapped his gloved knuckles on the door.

"That's what it says on here." The man leaned further out of the doorframe and Peter got the impression that he was narrowing his eyes under his glasses. "You never answered my question."

"I'm Peter. Peter Parker." He stuck his hand out to properly introduce himself but the man squealed shrilly as he slapped his hands over his masked cheeks.

"OH EM GEE! You're the one who takes Spidey's pin-ups for me!" Peter started blinking rapidly again in confusion. "You are so awesome! I'm gonna make a calendar out of my favs and we can split the profits, okay? Because you deserve all the money for your sexy pics."

_Pin-ups? Calendar? Sexy? What the hell?_

"Um."

"You’re cute too. Wanna be _in_ the calendar? Never mind that. It's gotta be only Spidey. We can do a separate one just for you. Wait. Are you here because you have pictures for me?" Wilson finally stopped talking long enough for Peter's brain to catch up and he nodded.

"Uh, yeah. Just a sec." He pulled the binder out of his pack while Wilson bounced on his heels, excitedly. The man took the pictures as soon as Peter eased them out, but he was much more gentle with them than Jameson had been. He flipped through them slowly before taking one out of order and placing it on top.

"This one is my new favorite! Good job, cutey." The man grinned wide enough to be seen under his surgical mask and Peter blushed at the doubled compliment. "I'm already overdue for my report so I gotta cut this short, but come bring me more pictures next time. You're _way_ nicer to look at than Dan."

Wilson blew him a kiss and shut the door before Peter could give any kind of response. He was not entirely sure there _was_ a response to any of that. He dazedly moved back to the elevator with only one thought in mind.

He couldn't tell if the man was hot. Betty was going to be disappointed.

 


	2. Office Gossip is Unavoidable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long. I'm gonna try to get these chapters out as fast as I can.

Peter rode the elevator down one floor to the reception and break room area instead of going back to the top. He wanted time to process what had just happened before he faced Betty because he knew that he wouldn't be able to get away with just a few small details. She would want know every word that was exchanged and every move the man had made. But Peter wasn't comfortable engaging in office gossip. He would have to decide what he believed to be appropriate to tell and what wasn't.

The elevator doors slid open to the blessedly cool waiting room and Peter glanced around the open space. It was empty except for a woman chatting loudly on the phone behind the front desk. Peter gave the receptionist an awkward wave when she looked up as the elevator door dinged closed and entered the nearby break room before she could acknowledge him.

The break room was also empty. It was still a little early for lunch so that meant Peter had a chance to be alone with his thoughts. He grabbed a cup of water from the water cooler and settled into one of the uncomfortable plastic chairs. His hands sought something to fiddle with so he pulled his camera case from his backpack. Peter removed the case and began sifting through his new pictures while his mind drifted back to the writer hed met just minutes before.

He instantly ruled out mentioning the strange man's flirtatious comments towards him and his alter ego. Even though they came easily and without hesitation, Peter definitely did not think it was appropriate to speculate with Betty about the man's possible sexual orientation. Peter was open about his own bisexuality but he didn't go around advertising it. The only ones who knew at work were Betty, Ned, Izzy, and Abe. He would tell anyone else if they asked nicely, but other than that, it was nobody's business.

He thought about the man's unique choice of clothing. Peter guessed he could mention Wilson's outfit to Betty. The man had been seen a few times by Ned and other employees so maybe she already knew. It was hard to miss a person who completely covered themselves. Especially during this kind of stifling weather.

Maybe Wilson was a mutant with unusual markings who had to cover himself to avoid being discriminated against. Maybe he was an alien who was exiled from his planet and was just trying to blend in. Maybe he was a burn victim and didn't want people to feel sorry for him. The last one seemed more likely - even in the world they lived in - and Peter _did_ see a tiny peek of skin that looked normal.

"Why did he have to be so weird?" Peter groaned. He put the camera down onto the table so he could tug at his hair with both hands. "My curiosity can't resist weird."

"Peter?" Asked a quiet voice from the crack of the break room door. The crack creaked open and a small face with shiny gray eyes peeked in. Peter smiled gently at the sight of the shy science reporter. "Are you talking to yourself?"

"Yeah, Izzy." Peter removed his hands from his head and gestured for the tiny woman to come in. "It's just me in here. And I'm slightly crazy. You were bound to find out eventually."

"Your hair looks like mine today." Izzy pointed to her shock of white blond hair that always defied gravity. She got a cup of water and then took a seat across from him. Peter resisted the urge to take a glance under the table to see if her feet touched the ground.

"So what are you doing here, besides talking to yourself?" Izzy asked as she rolled up the sleeves of her oversized plaid shirt. She reached out with a delicate hand and touched the camera between them. "Did you come to deliver Spider-man's pictures?"

"Here. Have a look." Peter picked up the camera and put it in her hands to let her flip through the pictures. They had similar cameras and he didn't mind her looking. "And yeah. I was gonna stop by your lair later. I'm surprised to see you out of it."

Izzy scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Abe and Betty won't let me put a mini fridge in my office. They know I would never leave then. But I still don't want to be around people when I'm trying to eat."

"I'm sorry I intruded then." Peter grinned. She returned the smile and handed him the camera back.

"You were here first. I'm the intruder." Izzy stood up and went to collect her lunch from the communal fridge. "Those are good photos, Peter. I don't know how you manage to get all those angles."

"I parkour up onto roofs. Spider-man is totally jealous of my moves." Peter placed the camera back in its case and zipped it back into his pack.

"Oh, I'm sure." Izzy giggled as she reseated herself. She pulled an orange out of her bag and began peeling it. "So why are you still hanging around? You usually can't wait to get out of here after you deal with Jameson and say hi to us."

"Well, Izzy." Peter leaned back in his seat and watched Izzy pop a piece of fruit into her mouth. "I'm going to be around a lot more often now. I'm Jameson's new assistant."

Izzy's eyes widened. She brought a hand up to cover her mouth so she could talk while eating. "Really? Is Dan gone?"

"Temporarily. And since I won't be able to escape until Jameson goes home, I have more time to bug you about science."

"It's _impossible_ to bug me about science." Izzy offered Peter a section of orange that he took eagerly. "I'm glad you accepted. You can help me with my next big article, and come with me to the new exhibit at the museum."

"Asking me on a date, Izzy?" Peter gasped. "How forward of you."

Izzy turned crimson - her hair and eyes stood out even more at the bright color - and choked. "Th-that's _not_ what I meant!"

"I know." Peter laughed. "It was just too easy."

Izzy glared and tossed an orange slice at him. Peter caught it easily and munched on it. "You're a meanie. I wouldn't like you at all if it wasn't for your brain."

Peter swallowed his bite and stuck his tongue out.

"Very mature." Izzy huffed. She pulled a pack of pop tarts out next and gave Peter one. "So tell me, Peter, what were you talking with yourself about?"

Peter hummed as he thought about what he should say. He picked at the pop tart while he gathered his thoughts. "Just...something that happened earlier. I have a question for you. How do you feel about gossip?"

"I believe it's unavoidable. Especially in an office." Izzy had a hand up again to cover her mouth. "It's a constant thing here and you're either the topic or the participant. It can be quite fascinating."

"But doesn't it make you feel bad?" Peter wrinkled his nose up. Izzy tilted her head and shrugged.

"I guess it depends on the gossip. Do you have some? You might as well tell me now because Betty will get it out of you and then tell me later anyway."

"Fine. Just don't tell Betty I told you first. Act surprised so I don't die."

"Of course." Izzy nodded seriously. "Go on."

"I met Wade Wilson today." Peter rushed out causing Izzy's thin eyebrows to shoot up. "Since Dan's gone, Jameson made me take him my pictures. And it was freaking _weird_."

"I have had an office down the hall from the guy for years now and I've _never_ seen more than a shadow. All I know about him is he has a broad taste in music." Izzy's eyes lit up almost as much as they did for science. "What did he look like?"

Peter went on to describe the brief encounter and stuck with his earlier decision to leave out the flirts. He modified that bit to just imply that the man seemed to be a fan of his alter ego, contrary to what he mainly writes. When he was done, Izzy was staring back at him with a confused expression.

"That is really weird. He's stranger than I thought. But he seems nice at least." Izzy grinned. "That's good to know for when he plays a vulgar rap song really loud again. Now I think I can slip a note under his door without peeing myself."

"Or you could just knock?"

"Yeah. That's not gonna happen." She looked slightly horrified at the thought. "I don't care how nice he is. I can't handle confrontation."

Peter chuckled and stood up. "Don't worry. I'll kick his butt if he offends your delicate sensibilities."

"You're my hero." Izzy deadpanned.

_Oh you have no idea_ , Peter thought as he slung his pack back on. He squeezed Izzy's shoulder when he walked by to toss his trash in the garbage. "I've hung out here too long. Betty is gonna kill me for keeping her waiting."

"Tell her and Abe that I'll stop by after their floor clears out a bit."

"Alright." Peter smirked. "But I just want you to know that I think it's sad how much you avoid people. And coming from me, that's saying something."

"Hey!" Izzy squeaked indignantly. Peter ducked out of the break room to avoid the orange peel tossed at his head. "At least I'm not as bad as Wilson!" She yelled after him.

"True! You haven't _quite_ made it to his level yet." Peter called back. He listened to her make a few more indignant noises and laughed all the way to the elevator. He sobered up while he made his way back to the top floor.

Peter decided at the last second to stall seeing Betty for a few more minutes so when the elevator stopped he quickly veered to the left instead of down the center. Abe's cubicle was in the back corner so Betty shouldn't be able to see him from there. He followed the sound of rapid typing to the film critic's work space.

"Hey Abe." Peter greeted and leaned against the opening to wait for the older man to unstick his face from his computer screen. He knew Abe wouldn't acknowledge him until he came to a good stopping place. Peter looked around the little space to see if there were any new film posters or merchandize and sure enough, there was a small BB-8 plush balanced precariously on top of the computer monitor. Other than that, it was the same nerdy decorations as last time.

Peter was only _slightly_ jealous of Abe's collection.

"Quick." Abe said suddenly, his curly head popping up. He spun around to face Peter and his chair groaned at the movement. Peter grinned at the sight of the man's T-shirt of the Death Star stretched across his large belly. "Name three of your favorite animated films that are not Disney or DreamWorks."

"Oh my God. I _hate_ when you do this to me." Peter whined. He pressed a palm to his forehead and squeezed his eyes shut in concentration. "Um. Okay. All Dogs Go to Heaven, The Land Before Time, and Balto."

Abe nodded and spun back around. He started typing again but managed to distractedly say, "Thanks. That'll work."

"No problem. I like your T-shirt."

"Huh?" Abe paused to look down and see what he was wearing. "Oh. Thanks. My stomach is the perfect place for round pictures. I learned that after wearing a shirt with Captain America's shield on it."

Peter snorted on a laugh. "That's a little self deprecating."

"Nah. That's self discovery." Abe typed a few more words before finally coming to a complete stop. He turned around again to give Peter his full attention. "Want to hear what I'm working on?"

"Of course." Peter replied eagerly. "You know science and movies are my life."

"Okay, so I'm writing an article about the animated film industry and how Disney and DreamWorks are making it impossible for any other studio to get in on the action anymore." Abe waved his hands around while he talked. "I'm gonna mention some classic animated movies like you listed and write about how there probably won't be anymore hits like them that isn't Disney or DreamWorks."

Peter raised his hand up when Abe paused to catch his breath. "Stop. Say no more. That sounds really interesting and I want to read it."

"Sweet. It's for tomorrow's paper. I'm almost done with it."

"Do you want me to leave and come back?" Peter hated to be distracted while he worked and knew Abe was similar. The man shook his head, though, causing some of his brown curls to fall in his eyes.

"Nah. You can stay but what do ya mean about coming back? You're not gonna escape now? You usually do after talking with us."

"First off, you and Izzy said the same thing. You guys make me sound like a horrible friend. I don't mind sticking around and hanging out. Secondly, I can't leave anyway. I have to stay until Jameson is done for the day."

" _Why!?_ " Abe shoved his hair out of his face so he could stare more intently at Peter.

"Because he's making me be his assistant while Dan is gone."

"Oh man." Abe hissed in sympathy. "That sucks so hard, dude."

"Tell me about it." Peter pointed to the plush on Abe's computer. "Let me hold BB-8. That would make me feel better."

"No need to use the puppy dog eyes, Pete." Abe grumbled as he tossed the droid into Peter's hands. Peter cuddled the toy to his chest.

"Thanks. I feel better already."

"Alright. Now tell me why you're over here avoiding Betty."

"I'm not avoid - _ugh_ , fine. She wants some gossip I have and you know gossip makes me uncomfortable.

"Well it's too late now. She knows you know something she doesn't. You might as well get it over with."

"Yeah." Peter sighed. "I already told Izzy anyway."

"Are you _crazy_ , man?" Abe yelped. He waved his hands in front of his face and settled them over his ears. "Don't tell me. Nuh uh. I can't act like I don't already know when Betty tells me."

"It's about Wade Wilson."

Abe slowly lowered his hands from his ears. "...Go on."

"I knew you wouldn't be able to resist." Peter chuckled. He began repeating his meeting with Wilson, telling it exactly like he told Izzy. Abe had a similarly confused expression as Izzy when Peter was done.

"So... he is a fan of Spider-man... Yet he writes what Jameson tells him to write... Which is all Spider-man hate? That's like asking me to write a bad review for Star Wars."

"That's a bad example." Peter waggled an accusing finger at the film critic. "I know you have done exactly that."

Abe shrugged. "Yeah. But only for the prequels."

"I like the prequels."

"No. No one _likes_ the prequels. We tolerate them."

"Nope. I really like them."

"Don't let Wilson hear you say that."

"What do you mean?"

Abe leaned in and lowered his voice. "You have your bit of gossip and I have mine. I've actually been sitting on this one for awhile, debating whether or not I should bring it up."

"Spill, dude."

"I've actually kind of emailed with him. He sent me one after I published my review of The Force Awakens."

"Really?" Peter raised an eyebrow at that. "Did he like your review?"

"Yeah. He said he loved it and rambled about how he was a huge fan of Star Wars, but he had just one problem. Apparently, I forgot to mention how Poe was gay for Finn."

"Oh my God?!" Peter choked on a surprised laugh. "Are you serious?"

"Yep. I asked him what the hell was he talking about because I watched it twice without blinking and I didn't see that. He mailed me back saying and I quote 'I know this may be hard for you as a heterosexual white cis male but you need to go watch it again with your gay goggles on.' So I watched it again."

"And?" Peter asked through a fit of giggles.

"I sent him an apology because that man was totally right. He mailed back 'of fucking course I'm right. Hash tag OTP for life.' Followed by a bunch of heart emojis."

"That's the best thing I've ever heard ever." Peter gasped out, trying to stifle his laughter. "I think I'm really going to like this Wilson guy. Why haven't you told anyone before?"

"I sometimes don't even think it actually happened." Abe replied sheepishly. "I'm pretty OCD with my emails and I always delete them after I respond. I have no evidence."

"I can't believe you would delete gold like that." Peter shook his head. "Shame."

"Look, man. I was in a state of shock." Abe tossed his hands up in exasperation. "Hell, I actually checked a group email we all got from Robbie to see if it really was him."

"Yeah. It was really him." Peter gave BB-8 a little shake. "He's a total fanboy."

"Well he can join our club. But I am really surprised that he is a fan of Spider-man. I always thought he was Jameson's pet writer."

"You and me both, man." Peter tossed the plush back at Abe, who barely caught it. "I think I'm ready to go gossip with the queen of gossip."

"Good luck with that. Wish me luck in pretending like I'm surprised when Betty tells me again." Abe groaned and spun his chair back around to his computer.

"You study actors enough. You should be great at pretending."

"Yeah yeah, smartass." Abe waved Peter away without looking away from his computer. "I'll see ya later."

"See you later." Peter walked out of the cubicle with a grin on his face, and made his way to Betty.

Talking to Izzy and Abe always made him feel better. His guilt about gossiping had lessened - after actually participating in gossiping - and he no longer saw a problem with talking about Wilson. The man was no where near as frightening or creepy as what everyone else at the Bugle talked about. Maybe gossiping about him now would be beneficial. The writer could possibly be lonely sitting in his office all day by himself and if people were less afraid they would stop by to meet him.

Peter thought all this while he rounded the corner of Betty's cubicle. He was surprised to see that she was typing rapidly at her computer, her manicured nails clacking loudly at the keys. She didn't seem to hear him approach so he took his chance to study her actually working.

"This is like seeing a unicorn in real life." Peter whispered to himself, not wanting to disturb this rare moment.

" _Shush_." Betty hissed, not slowing down. "I'm on a roll."

"I can see that." Peter pulled his phone out of his pocket and snapped a picture while she was distracted. He wished he could pull his camera out but knew he wouldn't survive.

"I'm almost done." She cast a glare over her shoulder and Peter managed to pretend like he had been texting. "And then I'll expect a full report."

"Yes, ma'am." Peter replied as he continued to discreetly take pictures. He got a really good one when Betty turned her head just enough for him to see the sharp angle of her cheekbone and her tongue peeking out of the corner of her mouth. He was going to frame that one and give it to Abe and Izzy.

"And I am... done!" Betty cheered. "Take that _Miriam!_ My column is totally gonna kick your column's ass tomorrow."

"I love how you say Miriam." Peter giggled. He shoved his phone back into his pocket when Betty stood up to face him. "It's how like how Captain America says Hydra."

"Superheroes have their enemies and I have mine." Betty reached out to grab Peter by his shoulders and maneuvered him into her chair after he placed his backpack under her desk. She crossed her arms over her chest and glared down at him.

"I already know you told Izzy and Abe, mister."

"How do you kno-"

"You think I didn't notice you come in earlier and talk to Abe. I looked up every time I heard the elevator open." She arched an eyebrow. "And you were taking forever before that. So you must have been talking with Izzy."

"Alright. You got me." Peter groaned and placed his head in his hands. "You've turned me into a gossiping monster."

"Not yet. But you will be." Betty snapped her fingers in front of his covered face. "Now time to spill, Petey. Tell me all about the mysterious Wade Wilson."

"There's not much to tell." Peter peeked at her from between his fingers. "It was literally a minute long meeting."

"Do you know how much info I can gather on most people in a minute? I'm sure you learned more about him than I have in the 3 years I've been working here in that short meeting."

"Okay, but don't be disappointed that I didn't learn his sign, favorite color, and who his favorite actor is." Peter snarked before launching into his third and final - he refused to tell anyone else after this - retelling of his meeting with Wilson. Betty seemed to soak up the smallest of details and by the time Peter was done her eyes had narrowed into slits.

"You left something out."

Peter widened his eyes and feigned innocence. "No I didn't. That was everything. I even mentioned the color of his shoelaces."

"Boy, don't play with me." Betty glared at him with her hands on her hips. Peter stubbornly stared back for nearly a minute before sighing.

"Fine. But you have to promise not to mention this part when you go around spreading this. It's no one's business. Really none of this is but especially this bit."

"Oooh. Serious Peter. I like it." Betty giggled before nodding seriously. "Everything beyond this point will be off the record."

"Good. Okay. How do I say this?" Peter tilted his head and squinted. "I  _think_ Wilson might be more than just a fan of Spider-man."

"...Okay. I need a little more than that."

"He called my pictures of Spider-man 'sexy' and he wants to make a calendar out of them. Apparently they are pin up worthy. He may have mentioned that I was attractive enough for my own calendar."

After a few seconds of stunned silence, Betty burst into a fit of laughter. "Oh, my God. That is  _perfect_ . You just meet a guy and he instantly get the hots for you."

"Shut up." Peter mumbled and blushed. "He was probably just joking."

"No. I don't think so. I think he just has a good taste in men." Betty winked.

"Quit it." Peter whined. "I'm gonna be awkward enough the next time I see him."

"And I'll want details of how that goes as well."

Peter rolled his eyes. "Of course you do."

"You'll probably be seeing him a lot while you're Jameson's delivery boy. Maybe you'll become friends with him and get him to actually hang out with his coworkers." Betty grinned brightly. "You know I love meeting new people."

"We'll see." Peter replied doubtfully. His phone buzzed in his pocket a second later. It was a text from Jameson that contained a lunch order followed by another text just saying 'now' with an unnecessary amount of exclamation points.

"Oh no. Jameson is hangry." Peter stood up and slung his backpack on. "I gotta go and actually do the assistant thing."

Betty winced. "Ugh. Don't get his order wrong. He made Dan cry many times over that."

"I got it. He'll find a way to make me cry eventually." Peter waved and stepped out of her cubicle. "See you later."

Betty stopped him with a hand on his shoulder before he could get away. "Just one more thing, Peter."

"Yeah, Bets?" He asked as she released him. She gave him one last firm look.

"I'm disappointed that you didn't find out if Wilson was hot."

"Well he definitely had to be hot in all those clothes." Peter laughed. "It's not my fault the guy wears so much."

"No, it's not." Betty gave him a little smirk. "But I'm sure you can find a way to fix that."

Peter groaned loudly and walked away to the sound of her evil laughter with a burning face. Betty wasn't going to let him forget what Wilson had said anytime soon. She was surely going to use it against him in some humiliating way.

These next few weeks as Jameson's assistant were going to be interesting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah...Wade wasn't even in this chapter. But he will definitely be in ever chapter from here on out. 
> 
> How do you guys feel about my two OCs and Betty? Betty isn't an OC, she's in the comics, but I'm definitely doing my own thing with her. So I guess she is kind of an OC??? *shrug emoji* Whatevs. I hope you like my characters. They will be important later on. 
> 
> I love comments, guys. Please leave me some.


	3. Friendship Level Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long. D'X

Peter yawned widely, his jaw cracking in the quiet morning as he rode his skateboard down the street. He was exhausted from his first day of being Jameson's new assistant and his after work patrol. Jameson had made him run errands for him after he had picked up Jamesons lunch order - that Peter got right, he was proud to say - and then he had stayed a little later to hang out with the Bugle gang. The patrol had been uneventful but hed decided that he was going to have to start suiting up earlier while he was working these hours. He had stayed out _way_ too late.

It had been almost two years since he had gotten up this early. It was kind of nice to see his city waking up from it's light doze, the closest it came to truly sleeping. It was as quiet as Manhattan was capable of being and people were moving slow and steady. Steam was beginning to rise from the concrete as the sunlight crept in and around the massive skyscrapers. Peter could already tell that it was going to be even hotter today.

Peter rolled to a stop outside of the alley next to the Daily Bugle building and scooped up his board. After a quick sweep of the alley, he determined that it would be safe to stash his skateboard and backpack with his Spider-man suit out of reach on the fire escape. He took his camera and his photo binder out before crawling up the wall - checking to see if the coast was clear one more time, of course - to stow his things away.

He slipped his camera over his neck as he walked around the corner of the building, and spotted a familiar figure. Abe was leaning against the wall outside the entrance, curly hair tied up in a small bun and smoking a cigarette. Peter quickly marched over before the man noticed him and snatched the cigarette out of his hand.

" _Hey!_ " Abe yelped and then choked around a mouthful of smoke. Peter tossed the cigarette on the ground so he could rub it out with the toe of his shoe.

"Shame, shame, shame. I thought you were smart, Abraham." Peter tutted with a shake of his head.

"Not cool, dude." Abe wheezed out while he patted his chest. "Don't judge me. You'd smoke too if you were me, man. My stress level is a fucking rollercoaster."

"What do you have to be stressed about?" Peter snorted but then felt instantly guilty. His idea of stress was something like fighting Lizard in sewer tunnels and he really shouldn't hold people to that standard.

Abe reached out and patted Peter on the cheek with a large, meaty hand. "You'd be surprised, young one. Just be glad you don't have an overbearing, traditional Jewish family that expects way too much out of you."

"Yeah, that does sound stressful," Peter replied. "But I'm still gonna slap cigarettes out of your hand if I see you smoking again."

"Fine, bro. I've had enough practice being a ninja smoker. You'll never see me smoke again."

Peter stuck his hand out and gestured for Abe to shake it. Abe obliged him with a roll of his eyes.

"Challenge accepted," Peter smirked.

"Whatever, weirdo," Abe said fondly when he released Peter's hand. "Good luck catching me again."

Peter opened his mouth to respond but his phone started to play _New Bohemia_ , the customized ringtone for Mary Jane. He was a little surprised because MJ never called this early _unless_...

"Sorry, man. I gotta take this."

"It's cool, Pete. I'm gonna head in." Abe waved him off and left Peter to take his place against the side of the Bugle building. Peter stared down at the beaming image of his best friend. He swiped his thumb across the screen to accept the call and started sternly, "Tell me you are not calling me because you stayed out all night partying again."

"First off," MJ answered brightly, which was even more surprising because the few times she had called this early she had sounded like a zombie. "I stopped clubbing at a reasonable time. Like, around three. Secondly, I stayed up the rest of the night because I was packing."

"Packing?"

"Yes, Peter. Packing. I'm at JFK right now."

"You're at the _airport!?_ " Peter exclaimed in disbelief, but the easily recognizable sounds of JFK filtered in through the tiny speakers.

"Yeah." She said with a touch of guilt. "I'm waiting for boarding right now. I'm sorry I didn't stop by to see you before I left, but I did stop by May's while I was in Queens. She didn't even mind me waking her up at the crack of dawn. She made me a sandwich and a cup of coffee. _Bless_ that beautiful woman."

"MJ, slow down." Peter pinched the bridge of his nose and clutched the phone closer. "Where are you going, why, and for how long?"

"I'm going to Paris! _Paris_ , Peter!" MJ squealed in his ear. "But the why is the best part! I had just gotten into a new club in Midtown that was really high end. Like, the most exclusive club in Manhattan. So this guy comes up to me, and I had already been kissing ass all night because everyone there has connections, but I was getting mentally exhausted at this point.”

"I bet." Peter squeezed in when she paused to take a breath.

"Peter, I did _not_ recognize this guy. I just saw another well dressed older man coming to hit on me. I had my resting bitch face on instead of the ass kissing mask, but he said he loved how fierce I looked. Oh my God, I about died when I realized who it was."

"Who was he?"

Peter pulled the phone away at her sharp intake of air but his ears still rang when she screamed, " _RODERICK KINGSLEY!_ "

"Yeah, no." Peter sighed after a second of racking his brain for the name. "I have no idea who that is."

"Of course you don't," MJ clicked her tongue. "I don't know why I thought you would. He's one of the biggest names in fashion. A billionaire. And _he_ wants _me_ to be one of his models for his fall line!"

"Really?" Peter's eyes widened. Even he knew working for a billionaire was a big deal. "That's awesome. Congratulations!"

"Thanks! I'm so excited." There was a pause and Peter could practically see her jumping up and down in the middle of the crowded airport. "You know I prefer acting over modeling but this will open up so many doors for me."

"MJ, you didn't tell me how long you are gonna be gone."

"Well... It depends. He said if I do a good job at these little shoots we are going to do then I can represent him during Paris Fashion Week."

Peter's heart sank. "When is that?"

"...In September."

"You're gonna be in Paris until _September!?_ "

"Well... Paris Fashion Week ends October fifth."

"You're gonna be in Paris for over three _months_."

"That's only if he picks me out of all these other girls that are going. He rented out a house. I'm gonna be living with a bunch of other girls, Peter." MJ sounded appropriately horrified at the thought. "This is going to be like Next Top Model."

"That sounds like it'll be horrible." Peter laughed as he imagined MJ living with a bunch of strangers who would probably steal her clothes and make up.

"It will be, but it'll be worth it. Even if he doesn't pick me, I'll still be in his Fall catalogs, and have awesome head shots."

"He'd be crazy not to pick you."

"Awww. You're too sweet, Mr. Parker."

"Only to you, Ms. Watson." He grinned but sobered up when a niggling doubt crept in. "MJ, are you sure this is legitimate? Do you trust this Kingsley guy?"

"Yes, Peter. It's all legit." MJ reassured. "You can Google Mr. Kingsley later. The guy is super nice. He even bought my plane ticket."

Peter pressed his head against the wall and prayed for patience. "I'm glad to hear billionaire _Mr. Kingsley_ sparred some money to send his new employee across the Atlantic. That's really decent of him."

"I know, right? Restored my faith in humanity." MJ sassed back. Then there was an increase in volume over the phone as flights were announced.

"That's my cue," MJ chirped. "I gotta go, Peter."

He listened to the rustle of MJ gathering her things. Peter's chest tightened as he imagined her getting farther away. He breath in around a lump forming in his throat and whispered, "I'm going to miss you."

"I'm going to miss you too," MJ replied just as quietly, her voice almost getting swallowed up by the background noise. "But I'll be calling and texting you every day. You'll be sick of me."

"Promise?"

"I promise. But I need you to promise me something too."

"Yeah?"

MJ hesitated and Peter imagined the look she gave while she studied her lines. After a moment, she began, voice strong. "I want you to hang out with some people outside of work. Go visit May more often. Hell, even call Harry. I know you two just send check up texts. But you two need each other, okay. I know you miss him and he misses you. Just... Don't be alone all summer, please."

Peter could almost hear the unspoken, _she wouldn't have wanted that._

"O-okay." He squeezed his eyes shut tightly and nodded even though she couldn't see. Bringing up Aunt May, Harry, and the thought of _her_ had made the lump in his throat and the ball in his chest burn, but he pushed past it to keep his reply steady. "I promise. I'll surround myself with people. I won't have time to miss you."

She blew a raspberry and startled a laugh out of Peter. He pushed himself off the wall and started pacing a few steps back and forth as he listened to her blow another one. "How many strange looks are you getting right now?"

"A few," MJ giggled.

"Those girls are going to enjoy your sense of humor. Have fun in Paris, MJ."

"I will." Her grin was clear in her voice and he couldn't help but mimic the expression. Her smile had always been infectious.

"Catch you later, tiger."

MJ smacked her lips in a kiss and then the line went dead.

Peter stared down at his phone and thought over what she said. She was right in thinking that he would be alone more often than not now that she was leaving. She had been the only friend outside of work left that was still living in Manhattan. He could only afford to make it to Queens to see his Aunt every other week, and Harry... Well, Harry was a special case.

Harry didn't remember much about what happened after his father's death, and Peter wasn't eager to fill in the missing pieces. But Harry knew enough. The guilt and shame of everything that had happened caused him to shrink away from Peter even though he had forgiven Harry. Their conversations were now stilted and only contained the barest of details of each other's lives. Peter wasn't even sure what part of the world Harry was at now.

_Maybe our friendship will never recover. Bad blood soaks both of our hands._

The steady click of heels on the sidewalk snapped him out of his thoughts. He had been clutching his phone too tightly, almost crushing the device. Peter shoved it into his pocket before he could do any real damage and took a few deep breaths. A sweet and familiar perfume cut through the lingering smell of cigarette smoke as it's wearer stepped closer.

"You look like someone kicked your puppy, Petey." Betty sidled up next to him and ducked her head down - the heels she wore today made her almost two inches taller than him - until she caught his eye. "What's wrong?"

"Hey, Betty," Peter greeted and tried to muster up a small smile. "It's nothing. A friend of mine is just going to be in Paris for awhile."

"Are you _serious_?" Betty groaned. She narrowed her eyes and pouted. "Everyone is going to Paris but me."

"Oh yeah." Peter leaned back against the wall again and Betty mimicked him. "I forgot you said Ned was in Paris."

"Yep. The lucky bastard is covering some fashion shoots. Totally _unfair_. He's got style, of course, but I'm the better dressed one is this relationship."

"Obviously," Peter agreed easily. He was glad that she was changing the subject, and didn't bother mentioning that Ned might be covering the same shoots MJ was going to be apart of. He didn't want to talk about it so he let Betty turn the conversation onto herself.

"I _swear_ , if Jameson doesn't start giving me new things to do then I am gonna go to the _Bulletin_. My mom was the best damn reporter Jameson ever had, but he won't let me do what she did. I think he resents me for my mom quitting to stay at home and raise me."

"Maybe you should go out and find your own story. Take initiative, you know? Or maybe Robbie will know what you can do."

"You're right, sweetie. I'll think of something. But now we have more important things to discuss." Betty bumped her shoulder against Peter's and grinned when he gave her his full attention. "We gotta go over our game plan."  
Peter raised an eyebrow. "Game plan?"

"Uh huh. I was being serious yesterday when I said we should become friends with Wade Wilson. We'll do it in order so we don't overwhelm the guy." Betty held up her hand and started ticking fingers. "First you, then me, then Abe, and Izzy can be last since I'm pretty sure she would have a panic attack if we weren't there with her."

Peter groaned "What happened to you thinking he was creepy?"

"He still is. Especially if you were serious about him being completely covered."

"Yeah." The memory of meeting Wilson still fresh in his mind. "He was more modestly dressed than a Catholic nun. Really threw me off when he started flirting."

"I think the flirting will be good for you." Peter rolled his eyes at her and she glared. "I'm serious. You are going to go see him when you get your break, and you are going to be your nice and friendly self. But you let me know if he makes you uncomfortable, 'kay?"

"Okay," Peter nodded. "You're not gonna let this go, are you?"

"Only if he really is creepy," Betty smirked. "If he's a decent guy then he needs some awesome friends like us. Now come on, time to go in."

Betty pushed off from the wall and brushed her hands over her dress. She pulled her phone out of her purse and squinted down at the bright screen.

"Petey? Aren't you supposed to get Jameson's coffee? He'll be here any minute."

"Mother _hugger_!"

 

–––

 

Peter spent the rest of the morning running around doing whatever Jameson wanted. His boss had arrived a few minutes before Peter and had chewed him out for not being there with his coffee. Thankfully, the coffee order, though late, had been right. He had heard horror stories of Jameson throwing a messed up order at Dan. Peter wanted to avoid an outburst at all costs.

So far there had only been one awkward job that Jameson made Peter do. For a couple of hours before lunch, he had to walk around all the cubicles and check to see if everyone was working. That had earned him more than a few rude gestures. He had ended up reporting one guy for sleeping at his desk but that was all the snitching he could bring himself to do.

Peter had a little break after he brought Jameson his lunch so he stopped by Betty's cubicle, only to be kicked out a second later without a word. Just a stern look and a manicured finger pointed towards the elevator.

When he got off on Wilson's floor he thought briefly about just running down the hall to hide with Izzy in her office, but he knew Betty would find out. Besides, he would have to see the man eventually when he had to bring him another picture.

Peter knocked on the door before he could change his mind.

There was a banging noise, a muffled curse, and music was turned down. Peter listened to Wilson speak lowly to someone - he groaned internally as he realized he had interrupted a phone call - and then the sound of him making his way to the door. Peter backed up a couple of steps when the door cracked open. Like yesterday, cold air poured into the hallway, but a scent - tacos?- was mixed in.

_Great. I interrupted a call and his lunch._

Wilson peered around the edge of the door. He looked at Peter and then up and down the hall, which Peter thought was a little strange. Wilson didn't do that yesterday, but he was probably expecting someone else. The man shuffled halfway out of the doorway and Peter quickly studied what he could see.

He was covered again today but the attire was completely different. He had worn a loose hoodie and baggy pants, before, but today he wore a black long-sleeve shirt, tight jeans tucked into combat boots, and thin leather gloves. Instead of a surgical mask, a red bandana was tied over the lower part of his face. The hat and sunglasses were the same as before.

Wilson looked like a bank robber. A really _built_ bank robber.

He stepped out from behind the door and shut it without giving Peter a peek inside. Wilson leaned against the door and tilted his head, making Peter feel like he was being scrutinized. Which was fair seeing as Peter had pretty much just given the guy a once over.

"Hiya." Wilson finally greeted, his voice slightly muffled by the bandana. "Back again, huh?

"Hi." Peter said normally. He definitely did not squeak. He was just surprised that Wilson had a body type similar to Steve Rogers. The man was a little thicker in the waist, though. Not exactly a perfect Dorito shape, but still.

"I didn't think you would actually come back." Wilson said, snapping Peter out of his thoughts. Mentally comparing shoulder to waist ratios would just have to wait. "Did you replace Danny? Did he finally break from Jameson's abuse?"

"Surprisingly, no." Peter absentmindedly fiddled with his camera with the hand that wasn't clutching his photo binder. He focused on the comfortable weight of it around his neck and tried to relax into the conversation. "Dan had to go out of state for a few weeks. I'm his temporary replacement."

"So you'll be gracing me with your presence for awhile." Wilson said with a smile in his voice. "Sweet as that may be, I don't actually need a picture so soon. Spidey hasn't fought anyone or anything interesting this week."

"Yeah. About that," Peter mumbled, staring down at the camera in his hands. "I'm kinda on a mission."

"A mission?" Wilson asked in a strange tone that made Peter return his gaze to the man's hidden face. He felt a slight tingle in his head like his Spidey-sense went off on it's lowest setting, but dismissed it when Wilson continued cheerfully. "A mission sounds fun! What kinda mission?"

"A mission to win your friendship." Peter deadpanned.

Wilson stared at him for a few silent seconds until he cracked and burst into laughter. Peter grinned at the man's strange laugh. It wasn't as deep as his voice and it pitched high at random intervals.

"Don't laugh at me!" Peter playfully scolded as Wilson placed his hands on his stomach and threw his head back to laugh harder. "I'm being super serious."

"That was the best," Wilson wheezed. He pretended to wipe imaginary tears from behind his glasses. " _Please_ tell me who dared you to come say that so I can send them a thank you card."

"I wasn't dared. I was ordered."

"Ordered?" Wilson parroted back. His shoulders were still shaking with suppressed giggles. "I know it wasn't Jameson. He's like my Judge Frollo. He wants me to do my job in complete solitude."

_Interesting. Comparing yourself to Quasimodo is a clear sign of self-esteem issues._

Peter's brows furrowed as he thought over what Wilson could mean about that comment. "So, you're not allowed to have friends or something?"

"Or something."

"I'll be _secret_ friends with you, then."

"Who says I even wanna be friends with you?"

"Everyone wants to be friends with me. I've been told I'm the friendliest guy people can ever meet."

Wilson snorted and Peter didn't need to see it to know that the man had just rolled his eyes.

"Come _on_ , man." Peter whined. "The person that ordered me to be your new buddy is a lot scarier than Jameson. I need to make some progress."

"Ha. Progress." Wilson scoffed. "You make it sound like this is a video game and you have to level up my approval to unlock shit."

"Sounds about right," Peter shrugged. "And we are on level two."

"How the hell are we on two? This is the second time we've met."

"That's exactly the point of all this." Peter gestured to the space between them. "You've been using my pictures for over three years now. We should be at least level five."

"But would this friendship be a two way street, huh?" Wilson crossed his arms over his chest and leaned in closer. The shirt he was wearing was drawn taunt across his chest and arms. "What are the benefits of being friends with Peter Parker?"

"Um." Peter dragged his eyes away from the man's biceps and searched his brain for a suitable option. "...Embarrassing pictures of Spider-man?"

"Deal!" Wilson reached out and grabbed Peter's hand. He shook it rapidly and let go before Peter could process the feeling of a large leather clad hand gripping his fingers tightly. The man gestured towards Peter's other hand that gripped his photo binder. "Got any now?"

Peter mentally shook himself and ignored the strange tingling of his palm. "I, uh, left my really good ones at home but I _think_ I might have something you'll like." He flipped the makeshift album open to the back and slid a picture out with a slight flourish.

Peter took a second to study the older photograph. It was a picture of him in an outdated version of his Spidey-suit, crouched down with his arm stretched out to release a web. Unfortunately, his web shooter had malfunctioned that day and backfired. His whole mask had been covered in webs and the sticky substance had ruined the seriousness of his pose.

Peter placed the image in Wilson's waiting hand and relished the small gasp it caused.

"Good golly."

"Yeah," Peter chuckled as Wilson continued to stare down at his alter-ego. "That was from Spider-man's first year. He was still working on his web shooters."

"This... This is so adorable." Wilson looked back and forth between Peter and the picture.

"Um... Thanks." Adorable wasn't exactly the word that came to mind when he looked at that picture. Humiliating seemed more accurate. He was expecting a laugh but this seemed to be an alternate positive reaction. "So does it give me any progress in our friendship?'

"Oh yeah." Wilson bobbed his head enthusiastically. "Definitely just reached level three."

"Did I unlock anything?"

There was a small pause as Wilson appeared to think it over. He gave another decisive nod before he answered. "How about entrance to my lair?"

"Really?" Peter's eyes widened in surprise. "I can come into your office? Has anyone ever been in there?"

"Only Jameson and Robbie." Wilson shrugged like it wasn't a big deal. "And a few friends of mine that sneak in."

 _So he does have friends._ "But no one else from work?"

"Nope."

"Well," Peter smiled brightly at the strange man. "Then I'm honored."

"You should be. Beyond this door is an office paradise."

It was Peter's turn to give Wilson a doubtful scoff and an eye roll. He was about to give a particularly clever response, but his phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out just enough to see who the text was from.

"Actually," Peter said regretfully as he read the name. "Jameson just summoned me. But I'll be back tomorrow. I'm not gonna miss out on entering a mystery dungeon."

"I could make a really inappropriate comment about what you just said but I'm gonna let that one go." Wilson lifted his free hand up and wiggled his fingers. "Thanks for the photo, sweetcheeks."

Peter thought about saying something like 'endearments and inappropriate comments are unlocked at level six' but decided that bringing attention to them would be too embarrassing. Or it might encourage him to use them more. He gave Wilson a quick, awkward wave and headed back towards the elevator.

He heard Wilson's door open and shut a couple of seconds later. Feeling emboldened by that strange conversation, Peter pulled his phone out of his pocket as the elevator doors slid close. He selected a text message conversation that hadn't been active for over a week and typed out a quick question before his courage fled him.

_Hey, Harry. Where are you right now?_

_Paris._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me what you thought in the comments. The next chapter will be out soon.


	4. Harry's Rant

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys. So I decided I am going to have a chapter that is just texts every other or couple or few chapters. I think it's the best way to show what Peter has been texting Harry and MJ while they are in France. I hated the idea of having to describe a bunch of texts randomly through out a normal chapter. Chapter 5 will be back to normal and up some time next week.

Peter: Normal

Harry: _Italics_

Mary Jane: **Bold**

Betty: Underlined

Izzy: _Italics/Underlined_

Abe: **_Bold/Italics_**

Jameson: **Bold/Underlined**

~~Deleted Text~~

 

 

[12:07PM From - J.J.Jerkinson] **Breaks over, Parker. Get back to my office.**

[12:10PM To - J.J. Jerkinson] Yes, sir.

[12:10PM To - Harry Osbro] Hey, Harry. Where are you right now?

[12:11PM From - Harry Osbro] _Paris_

[12:12PM To - Harry Osbro] What are you doing in Paris? ~~Have you talked to MJ?~~

[12:12PM From - Harry Osbro] _Meetings w/ Oscorp partners_

[12:13PM To - Harry Osbro] Is that what you've been doing the last couple of weeks?

[12:14PM From - Harry Osbro] _Yea I'm sorry I've been radio silent, P_

[12:14PM From - Harry Osbro] _I started in London last week_

[12:15PM From - Harry Osbro] _Just got to France last night_

[12:17PM To - Harry Osbro] ~~Didn't I deserve to know~~ Why didn't you tell me you were going to meetings for Oscorp?

[12:18PM From - Harry Osbro] _I thought youd say the same thing ever fucking one has been sayin_

[12:29PM To - Harry Osbro] What has everyone been saying?

[12:31PM From - Harry Osbro] _That I'm not ready_

[12:32PM To - Harry Osbro] ~~Are you?~~ I'm not going to ask that. I promise.

[12:33PM From - Harry Osbro] _Thanks, P_

[12:33PM To - Harry Osbro] Just. Please text me like you use to.

[12:35PM From - Harry Osbro] _Like I use to huh?_

[12:35PM From - Harry Osbro] _Sure ya want that?_

[12:36PM To - Harry Osbro] Yes. I'm sure. Just let it go, Harry.

[12:48PM From - Harry Osbro] _Alright so I decided a couple of months ago that it was time to go back to training to take over the company. It was always the plan nothing has changed on that front. It took a lot of convincing the board to let me sit in on meetings like before. They kept saying shit like 'you're still recovering' and 'you should take more time' and 'the company is not going to fall apart if you take a year or two off' BUT ITS ALREADY BEEN OVER A YEAR. ALMOST TWO. They don't fucking understand Peter! They think I was just on drugs. They think I should be in rehab. And I cant fucking tell them the truth cuz i woukd be locked up if they knew. Everyone thinks I can't do this but I can! I've been preparing for this my whole life. This is what I need to feel normal again. But these fucking old ass dick bags on the company board want to condescend me and treat me like a kid. And the foreign partners so far have not been takin me seriously. Most of them talked about me like I wasn't even fucking there. I jus.t UGH_

[12:49PM From - Harry Osbro] _I just want to feel normal again_

[12:49PM From - Harry Osbro] _But maybe I should be locked up_

[12:56PM To - Harry Osbro] Harry, no. You don't deserve to be locked up.

[12:56PM To - Harry Osbro] You weren't you, Harry.

[12:57PM To - Harry Osbro] I know you. You are a good person. You'll do great things at Oscorp.

[12:59PM To - Harry Osbro] Don't give up, okay? They'll all respect you one day.

[01:00PM To - Harry Osbro] But until then. Fuck them.

[01:01PM To - Harry Osbro] Let them doubt you. Prove them wrong.

[01:05PM From - Harry Osbro] _I really needed to hear that_

[01:05PM From - Harry Osbro] _Thank you_

[01:05PM From - Bets (≧ω≦)ﾉ★] I see you in the corner intensely texting someone, Mr. Parker.

[01:06PM To - Harry Osbro] You're welcome, Harry.

[01:07PM To - Harry Osbro] ~~I miss you~~ I missed your rants.

[01:08PM To - Harry Osbro] You can always rant to me. No matter what, okay?

[01:09PM From - Harry Osbro] _I miss ranting at you_

[01:09PM From - Harry Osbro] _I really do feel better_

[01:10PM From - Harry Osbro] _I promise I'll be start texting more_

[01:11PM To - Harry Osbro] Good. I expect at least a few everyday.

[01:12PM From - Harry Osbro] _Sir yes sir_

[01:12PM From - Bets (≧ω≦)ﾉ★] You went in and out of JJJ's office without stopping by to say anything to me. ಥ_ಥ

[01:12PM From - Abroham] **_Dude. Betty is giving you the death glare. ಠ_ಠ_**

[01:13PM To - Abroham] I know. I can feel it.

[01:13PM To - Bets (≧ω≦)ﾉ★] I'm supposed to be walking around the cubicles again.

[01:14PM To - Bets (≧ω≦)ﾉ★] Then I gotta run some errands for JJJ at 2.

[01:14PM To - Bets (≧ω≦)ﾉ★] Probably won't be able to talk until we get off at 4.

[01:15PM To - Harry Osbro] What are you going to do tonight?

[01:16PM From - Harry Osbro] _I'm pretty jet lagged so I'm just gonna eat and sleep_

[01:16PM From - Harry Osbro] _First meeting with Paris partners tmrw_

[01:17PM To - Harry Osbro] Good. Eat and rest. Take care of yourself.

[01:18PM To - Bets (≧ω≦)ﾉ★] I'll tell you all about what happened with Wilson after work.

[01:19PM From - Bets (≧ω≦)ﾉ★] Yay! o(^▽^)o

[01:19PM From - Harry Osbro] _I'll text ya tmrw_

[01:20PM From - Harry Osbro] _Probs rant to you again if these French guys_ _are as bad as the Brits_

[01:21PM To - Harry Osbro] Looking forward to it. :)

[01:22PM From - J.J.Jerkinson] **I don't see you making the rounds, Parker.**

[01:23PM To - J.J.Jerkinson] I'm doing it now, sir.

[01:27PM To - J.J.Jerkinson] Eddy is sleeping at his desk again.

[01:31PM From - Bets (≧ω≦)ﾉ★] Ed is a dick. Thanks for reporting him. d(-_^)

[01:32PM From - Abroham] **_Shit. It's amazing how loud Jameson can yell. I'm pretty sure his mustache is going to fly off from the force of it. But Eddy deserves it. That guy is a dick._**

[01:33PM To - Bets (≧ω≦)ﾉ★] If I gotta tattle on someone I might as well snitch on a dick.

[01:33PM To - Abroham] If I gotta tattle on someone I might as well snitch on a dick.

 

 

[04:04PM From - Dr. Bunsen Burner] _Heard you got Eddy fired. Good. That guy was a dick. And he made me uncomfortable._

[04:06PM To - Dr. Bunsen Burner] Everyone makes you a little uncomfortable, Izzy.

[04:07PM To - Dr. Bunsen Burner] Not that it doesn't matter! I didn't mean to invalidate your feelings. They are just as valid as anyone else's.

[04:08PM To - Dr. Bunsen Burner] But yeah. I'll sabotage anyone's career if they make you really uncomfortable.

[04:09PM From - Dr. Bunsen Burner] _Hehe. Thanks, Peter. I'll keep that in mind._

[04:10PM To - Dr. Bunsen Burner] Are you gonna meet us outside?

[04:11PM From - Dr. Bunsen Burner] _Yes. Be there in a few._

[04:12PM From - Dr. Bunsen Burner] _I'm curious to know what happened during your second meeting with Mr. Wilson._

[04:12PM To - Dr. Bunsen Burner] We'll be waiting. :)

 

 

[04:36PM From - Ms. MJ <3] **I just landed in Paris!**

[04:36PM From - Ms. MJ <3] **I'M IN PARIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

[04:37PM From - Ms. MJ <3] **I REALLY SHOULD HAVE TAKEN FRENCH IN HIGH SCHOOL.**

[04:40PM From - Ms. MJ <3] **Peter. I'm freaking out.**

[04:41PM From - Ms. MJ <3] **PETER BENJAMIN PARKER. I KNOW YOU AREN'T DOING ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.**

[04:58PM From - Ms. MJ <3] **I just got picked up from the airport by a limousine. A FUCKING LIMO.**

[04:59PM From - Ms. MJ <3] **THERE IS CHILLED CHAMPAGNE IN HERE A HIDDEN COMPARTMENT.**

[05:02PM From - Ms. MJ <3] **WHAT IS MY LIFE!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!**

[05:05PM To - Ms. MJ <3] You want to be famous, MJ.

[05:05PM To - Ms. MJ <3] Expect this kind of treatment. It'll be your norm one day.

[05:06PM To - Ms. MJ <3] Sorry I'm just now responding. I was hanging with some friends. Be proud of me for being social.

[05:07PM To - Ms. MJ <3] Please tell me that your employer is paying for your roaming fees.

[05:10PM From - Ms. MJ <3] **PETER. BABE.**

[05:10PM From - Ms. MJ <3] **I'm about to be at the house that Mr. Kingsley rented for us!**

[05:11PM From - Ms. MJ <3] **And yes. He is paying my phone bill.**

[05:14PM To - Ms. MJ <3] Good. ~~Have you talked to Harry?~~ Let me know what the other models are like.

[05:16PM To - Ms. MJ <3] ~~Harry is in Paris~~ Tell me how the house looks too.

[05:17PM From - Ms. MJ <3] **I will!**

[05:17PM From - Ms. MJ <3] **Maybe I'll get you some numbers. ;)**

[05:18PM To - Ms. MJ <3] Haha. No. I don't need another model in my life.

[05:18PM From - Ms. MJ <3] **Strange boy.**

[05:19PM From - Ms. MJ <3] **Almost there!**

[05:23PM From - Ms. MJ <3] **HOLY SHIT. IT'S HUGE. AND GORGEOUS.**

[05:24PM To - Ms. MJ <3] Good. I would've been mad if it was anything less. Kingsley and I would've had to have a talk.

[05:25PM From - Ms. MJ <3] **I'm gonna cry.**

[05:26PM From - Ms. MJ <3] **I'll take some pictures tomorrow.**

[05:26PM From - Ms. MJ <3] **Which would be easier if you would just get Snapchat.**

[05:27PM To - Ms. MJ <3] Alright. Take some deep breaths in and out.

[05:28PM To - Ms. MJ <3] Then quit texting me. Go meet your new roommates.

[05:29PM To - Ms. MJ <3] Have fun. Play nice.

[05:31PM From - Ms. MJ <3] **Okay. I'm chill now.**

[05:32PM From - Ms. MJ <3] **I'm going in. Wish me luck, Tiger. ;)**

[05:33PM To - Ms. MJ <3] Good luck, MJ. :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think of this texting chapter. Was it confusing? Do you like the idea of some text chapters spaced through out the fic? Leave me some feedback please. Next chapter will be normal and up sometime next week.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! Thanks for reading!
> 
> I want y'all to know that I only have a part of this fic thought out so I am open to any and all suggestions. I'm planning on having a lot of fluff and angst and SMUT. The rating will go up to Explicit. But not for awhile. So buckle in and grab my hand, guys. It's gonna be wild.
> 
> EDIT: I now have over 20 chapters planned out and know exactly how this is going to end. But I'm still going to need you to grab my hands, guys. This is going to be even wilder than I had originally planned.
> 
> Tumblr: [acealienraccoon](http://acealienraccoon.tumblr.com/)
> 
>  
> 
>  


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